how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
