The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
