Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
