Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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