if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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