Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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