I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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