why didn't you poke me back
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
