Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You have to summon your inner elephant
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
