We named our party play list daddy issues
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
ttyl tear gas
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
