I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
