did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
