I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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