Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
