Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
