you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
