sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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