Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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