i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You can't special order awesome
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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