He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
