Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
