Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize