Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
