So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize