I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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