That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When are your genitals available?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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