I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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