If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
