Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
