when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize