are you so shy because you have an std?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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