Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
