um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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