Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
