I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize