**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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