dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
