Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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