So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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