Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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