Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
