Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
