I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
