he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
