Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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