the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
