are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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