I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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