My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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