By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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