he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
