Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
