so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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