I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
