well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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