You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
