would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize