if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
