i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
