idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
