Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
