she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
