i permit you to call me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize