arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
