There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
