In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
