I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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