Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize