I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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